Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Your penis caused this!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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