My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
