So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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