PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
