I bet he comes in French.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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