oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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