Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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