I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
