Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
