No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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