idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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