my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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