do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
