There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My ATM looks so different sober.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
