I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
