Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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