since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
