I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
