what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
