Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
