I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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