It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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