she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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