My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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