my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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