can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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