I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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