When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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