is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
