Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
