life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
