these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
