And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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