Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
