Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
