M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
