Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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