if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
