i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
