Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
