Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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