How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
