toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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