Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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