She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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