i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
