AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
