He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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