my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
