wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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