I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You're like the curious george of whores
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
