He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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